The End of Vacation

The end of our vacation is here; I will leave the Hyko Lake tomorrow. Then back to work for 3 days straight.

These few days have been an incredible time of reflection on my feelings, my life, my focus. I can't say I've found the answers to a lot of things- but I have found times of rest and peace. I have also felt similar feelings of being lost and lonely that I have been feeling intermittently for the past few months. It brought me back to an almost scary realization of where my mind was leading me and how hopeless life felt. It was nice to be in the presents of my Mam-Mam...to have some wonderful wise advice, and to have her comfort. Even to simply be reminded that sometimes life is hard- marriage, mothering, having a career- it doesn't come easy. There are certain periods in life that are especially hard; but the future is not bleak. My feelings are allowed to be there, but to keep going- and happiness will surely find me again! Amen for that!

On a much lighter note...what is best- The lake, the beach or the pool? And what vacation is 'perfect'. I can't answer that, of course, because nothing is 'perfect'...but some things are great.
*The front porch of this house, overlooking the lake with a beautiful and comfortable screened in area...a place of rest and peace where we sat and drank coffee (yes, all four of us had coffee- me and the girls decaf, mom's caf) and watched a few storms come through- listening to rain and feeling the breeze.
*Kayaking during a gentle morning breeze (which unfortunately, made my not-so-buff-arms hurt quite a lot)
*Watching three of my favorite girls playing bumper cars or bobbing in the water
*Watching my babies learn freedom to 'let go' and swim on their own (of course both are still wearing their "sinking suits" to help them not sink)
*Snuggling up to take a nap with my little snuggle bug (Pey)
*And finally, bringing back fond memories and smiles of days gone past...of days and memories I hope to provide my children. [We went and visited my Grandpa's old house- it was unrecognizable by my mom...but it was beautiful, in a different sort of way.]

I still don't care for the fish- especially when LG points out that she sees a huge catfish- and she does; or the fact that if I sit still I feel kisses up and down my legs. I don't care to not be able to see my feet because the water is dark and murky, and lets be honest- doesn't have "that clean fresh smell." I don't like being isolated on a dock where I feel like I have to be on my toes watching my babies so they won't topple off and into water (not deep enough on three sides to sink in, but surely a long enough fall landing in water to scare them).

But after all...The worst thing of all and the best thing of all is that I don't get to have sand in between my feet- but I also don't have to have it in my bathing suit :)