The End of Vacation

The end of our vacation is here; I will leave the Hyko Lake tomorrow. Then back to work for 3 days straight.

These few days have been an incredible time of reflection on my feelings, my life, my focus. I can't say I've found the answers to a lot of things- but I have found times of rest and peace. I have also felt similar feelings of being lost and lonely that I have been feeling intermittently for the past few months. It brought me back to an almost scary realization of where my mind was leading me and how hopeless life felt. It was nice to be in the presents of my Mam-Mam...to have some wonderful wise advice, and to have her comfort. Even to simply be reminded that sometimes life is hard- marriage, mothering, having a career- it doesn't come easy. There are certain periods in life that are especially hard; but the future is not bleak. My feelings are allowed to be there, but to keep going- and happiness will surely find me again! Amen for that!

On a much lighter note...what is best- The lake, the beach or the pool? And what vacation is 'perfect'. I can't answer that, of course, because nothing is 'perfect'...but some things are great.
*The front porch of this house, overlooking the lake with a beautiful and comfortable screened in area...a place of rest and peace where we sat and drank coffee (yes, all four of us had coffee- me and the girls decaf, mom's caf) and watched a few storms come through- listening to rain and feeling the breeze.
*Kayaking during a gentle morning breeze (which unfortunately, made my not-so-buff-arms hurt quite a lot)
*Watching three of my favorite girls playing bumper cars or bobbing in the water
*Watching my babies learn freedom to 'let go' and swim on their own (of course both are still wearing their "sinking suits" to help them not sink)
*Snuggling up to take a nap with my little snuggle bug (Pey)
*And finally, bringing back fond memories and smiles of days gone past...of days and memories I hope to provide my children. [We went and visited my Grandpa's old house- it was unrecognizable by my mom...but it was beautiful, in a different sort of way.]

I still don't care for the fish- especially when LG points out that she sees a huge catfish- and she does; or the fact that if I sit still I feel kisses up and down my legs. I don't care to not be able to see my feet because the water is dark and murky, and lets be honest- doesn't have "that clean fresh smell." I don't like being isolated on a dock where I feel like I have to be on my toes watching my babies so they won't topple off and into water (not deep enough on three sides to sink in, but surely a long enough fall landing in water to scare them).

But after all...The worst thing of all and the best thing of all is that I don't get to have sand in between my feet- but I also don't have to have it in my bathing suit :)

Vacation

VACATION!!!

Such a needed thing...it's time for a few days with the girls~ Mom, myself and my girls. We arrived after a long hot drive into the country; and when I mean country, I mean dirt roads, tobacco fields, and little tiny shacks that look like if the wind blows in their direction too hard it would fall down- but there are people outside and on the porches. We pulled into the most perfect little house for us, at the very end of the road. It is decorated perfectly, is just the right size for us, it has a beautiful screened in deck and a gentle grassy slope down to a lake filled with memories from my childhood.

We are at Hyko lake; finally!

We came to do a little digging...to find some of our past, and to enjoy each other! This is the lake my grandfather lived on when I was a child. We've come to dig up the memories of what it was like to spend hot summer days floating on tubes in muddy water; to find his house and see how it has changed; to allow my girls some similar memories to mine; and to see whether the beach is where 'vacations' are meant to be.

What I can tell you from the beginning of the trip is...
*Vacations also bring emotions and sometimes "health issues", if you will, for little girls. It's hard to be away from home.
*Little girls are afraid of fish, just like their mom was when I was their age (and to be honest, still am)
*The yucky mud just isn't the same as the nice cold sand in between your toes...actually, it's caused me a few belly flops already trying to avoid the last step into it, while telling the girls mommy meant to do that :)
*The murcky warm water isn't quite as appealing or as refreshing as nice cool water
*But it is all so peaceful and restful...the porch is perfect for coffee, a devotion or dinner!
*Sitting on a dock watching the water splash around you is like drifting away to another place
*And the final added benefit for now- there isn't sand all in your bathing suit and unwanted privates when you go home

More to come from vacation...including pictures at the end!

M & M

Are you more like Martha or Mary?

Do you live life choosing to sit at Jesus feet, soaking in the love- the knowledge, his presence? Or do you rush around, trying to get everything prepared to serve Him better.

Do you find peace and get fed, or to you worry and feed others?

Which one is right, which one is wrong?

Neither is wrong...life is about finding a balance of both. We should feed and serve....but the worrying is not part of the game. AND we can't feed without first being fed.

Jesus calls us to come, sit at his feet. Find peace, find His presence, find His love~ and THEN you can feed his lambs appropriately.

Thank you Jesus for this lesson this week~ We went to a new church and this was the basic sermon....and I am Martha, I am a worrier, a stresser, and anxious over most anything!! Lord let me learn to be more like Mary!!

Simple Pleasures

***A few parts may be a little explicit; sorry!***


The feel of nice clean sheets, or a "light or hard kiss" (because 'I like kisses mommy'), or baby soft skin rubbing across my face...
The taste of an exquisite meal, cooked with the help of four very small hands, a sweet kiss from someone I love so dearly, or an ice cold beer on a hot day...
The sound of K-love (I really love this station!), especially my new favorite 'Lead Me' by Sanctus Real, my children's laughter- it's like angels ringing in my ears, and the words 'I love you' from a 2 1/2, 4 1/2 and 30 year old...
The smell of fresh cut grass, a nice clean baby, or a fresh cup of coffee (since I don't drink caffeine and my brother tells me drinking decaf is like sex without an orgasm; I often just savor the smell)...

On another note, you know what is NOT a simple pleasure? A gym. You may ask what? But yes, I repeat, a gym- like the kind of room full of cardio machines where people are sweating grotesquely; a room full of weights that is meant to only make things burn and ache, and often really hurt if not done right; especially a room full of people who are trying to impress other people by what they can do. This, to me, is like hell on earth. Most recently, I know- be proud of me, I joined the Kernersville YMCA. A place where family is brought together and supported in an environment aimed at healthy living. A place that is FULL of these kinds of rooms...basketball courts, racquetball courts, walking tracks, numerous pools, aerobic classes including aerobic dance classes, even kiddy work out and play rooms (most of the rooms I am too clumsy to even be aloud to set foot in). PUKE!! It's HELL! It's actually hot in there, especially when you are working your butt off...and you are sticky, and yucky. BUT ALAS~ this place, while it may be good for my body and my ever growing waist size (yes, I have gained almost 15lbs and 2 pants sizes since I moved here); it is better for my mind. It is important that I get up, get motivated, get out of this emotional funk I am in and do something good to release endorphins that will make me happy. THEN, it may not be hell anymore. My sister says she's sorry for me that I see it this way...me too. I'll let you know how I feel in about 6 weeks....

Until then, at least I am following through with my commitment to work out!

This is the Day

This is the day...This is the day that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made. We will rejoice, we will rejoice and be glad in it. This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it. This is the day, this is the day that the Lord - has - made!!!

Thank you LG for continuing to remind me of this!!!

I have made myself a pact today- I need to be held accountable. I need to do something good for me. Regularly. No, I'm not talking about shopping, or a massage, or a date alone with my husband- which I DO need all of those (feel free to help me accomplish them!). But to be a better mom, a better wife, a more positive and happy person- I need to work out. I need to increase my endorphins and make my body 'feel' happy, even when I feel like everything in the future doesn't look that way. I don't know how I'll make it happen...when or where. But I will find that place and I will commit to do it.

July 4th

It's summer time and every one's favorite day has arrived...time to watch parades, fireworks, and cookout with good friends and family. What were my plans? I was supposed to work the entire weekend, so was Randall- so we didn't make plans. We sucked it up, and realized- our time to celebrate with the people we love and care about the most and have a really good time will just have to be another time. That was OK....wait, except, LG came home with a fever from the babysitter, then woke me up in the middle of the night with an even worse fever...YEAH!!! no work for me, right? Nope- not right.

I am sitting at home with a sick child (who of course when she has Motrin/Tylenol is running around and only a little fussy), and feel like yet again my world has been turned upside down. What now? Still no plans...except that I am the bad guy because my girls don't get to go to the babysitters and have all the fun THEY intended to have (parade, pool, cookouts, church with a friend and fireworks).

Why in the world do I find this mothering thing so hard? I never thought I was a selfish person...but here lately I feel irritable and frustrated because it is coming out more and more. I am tired of being the jungle gym, I am tired of being fussed at, whined at, and on the beckon call for two little people that I don't think know the feeling of grateful. Probably my perspective. Would just be nice if there was a manual to each of them...how to make sure they become successful in life; how to become loving, kind and good Christian ladies. But there's not.

So, I sing to myself the chorus of one of my new favorite songs (a song LG knows and sings too when it comes on the radio...maybe I'm doing something right!):
"We pour out our miseries, God just hears our melody. Beautiful the mess we are, The honest cries of breaking hearts- are better than a Hallelujah." Amy Grant

So my honest cry Lord today will be HALLELUJAH!! For all that today might be!

The Zoo

Last weekend we went to the Asheboro Zoo. The morning started off with the temperature of 78 degrees at 9am...we were in for a hot day.

Oh but it was so much fun!

Pa, Nana, Hubert, Frankie, Paula and Trevor (grandparents, great aunts and uncles, and cousins) All packed up from Boone, met us down here and we all went to the zoo for a day of adventure. It was certainly that!

We saw all the animals, ranging from Polar Bears (my favorite) to Zebras (LG's favorite) to Giraffes (Pey's favorite) to monkeys (Daddy's favorite) and everything in between. The weather, although hot, was beautiful with plenty of shady spots to rest in. We had a magnificent time, and the girls can't wait to go again!

The added benefit of an animal assorted carousel and a 4D movie about Dora and Diego were just like whipped cream and a cherry for the girls.

Anybody up for doing it with us another time?

(the price wasn't that bad either!)