Ms. Amy

I want to be just like Ms. Amy.
I want to be patient, and kind. I want a happy, bubbly personality that is infectious. I want to have a more positive outlook on life. I want to play games and create activities with and for my kids. I want to get up in the morning, even if I don't have to, to get my day started and do good things for my body and mind. I want to be more dedicated to learning about the Bible, and not feel so stretched thin that I feel like I don't have time to spend with friends. I want to work hard, and love what I do.
Every day I come in contact with Ms. Amy, my day is better, my life is happier. My children are happy, and peaceful and protected. They eat well, and like what they eat- because it's a nice home cooked meal. I feel SO blessed, because God put Amy in my life just when I needed it...to listen when I need it, to be a friend when I feel lost and without them, and to love and care for my most valuable 'possessions' in life.
Ms. Amy is my babysitter.

Let's go fly a hight...

Up to the highest heights, lets go fly a flight and send it soaring. ~ Mary Poppins

We tried yesterday to fly our kite. We went to a big open field where we've seen kites being flown so many times...evidently the wind is better for their kites, or they just know how to fly a kite and we don't. All to say, our kite didn't fly. Maybe that's because we are from the mountains, and kites just get stuck in trees there!

Lilly Grace also got to go see her 'new school'. We are hoping to put her in a 3 day a week program, the same place the babysitters daughter goes. It was much more intense than the last one she was in- but I think I'm looking forward to it.

Honestly, I feel so unsettled and irritated and achy inside. Of course every one's question is PMS? Ha Ha! No...just this awful feeling, and my family- well, Randall especially, is paying for it. I just want to be happy, but feel myself spiraling into something else.

Work continues to be good- overwhelming though. Definitely not a daily routine...more it's like something new every moment of the day. The apartment remains the same, not really a place I can find 'home' at- I guess because I know it's temporary. The space is not so bad...it's just a sense of not being able to settle there.

Maybe Internet will be fixed this week...I keep crossing my fingers, and praying- I think we found out the next step. THEN I can write more- on one subject and maybe happy messages!

A Very Large Village

So you ask, does absence truly make the heart grow fonder? YES! While Randall was in school, I couldn't wait to see him; the girls couldn't wait to see him. When we were together it was like a party full of beautiful dances :)(with occasional fusses, of course)...but for the most part it was awesome!
HOWEVER, We all learned a different way of life...Randall learned to survive at school, and then enjoy a 'break' on the weekend. The girls and I learned to survive with the help of so many important family members, then to have a 'break' on the weekends. All of us changed so much- we learned to live without each other.

All to say, it's been quite an adjustment to be back together. For all of us. Randall and I are getting to know each other again. (Nothing else should be said except it's quite an adventure). But the hardest things is being down here, raising the girls...I feel like we are missing something. That quote "it takes a village to raise a child" keeps coming to mind. I have two children....how many people are in each of those villages? Except, we don't have them. It's just me and Randall. Maybe that's a compliment to my family and to Randall's family. Thank you for being our village for the past 10 months. I don't know what we are going to do without you!

Greedy Me

What a weekend! We 'stayed home' as in- we didn't head to Boone...probably for the first weekend since I've been down here. Saturday my sis and her family came to visit, then my mom and dad ate dinner with us (what a pleasure to serve them!) and then Sunday we met Randall's family at Hillsville, VA for a flea market. No, they don't have real fleas there - I had to make LG aware of that...but we did see an awful lot of junk, and a bit of fun stuff mixed in.

Work is becoming more of a habit; by that I mean not such a task...it doesn't quite demand my brain like it did at the beginning (although it still requires a whole lot more thinking than I remember, or had gotten used to at my other job); and I think my legs are getting a little more in shape, as the walking miles and miles isn't quite so bad.

Our home, I've decided is a very comfortable little haven. I know I flip flop back and forth....but when my mom saw it, she reminded me how much we take advantage of having a lot of space- and 'maximizing' on our expenses and lives to "just get more". We are a greedy kind of people, not ever just becoming content. I know I am that myself...always wanting more...always greener on the other side. Truly, is it though? Maybe I am becoming content enough to live at our house and not wish for another one...although it would be nice to have Internet that doesn't come and go!

Home Sweet Home

(I actually wrote this on Wednesday...but internet mishaps (again) kept me from posting it.)

What were the theme words to that TV show- Cheers....something about going to where everybody knows your name. Basically, it broke down to a place you felt yourself, felt comfortable, happy and at home.

This weekend we went back to our house in Deep Gap; and this feeling of ease....of peace...of coming home overwhelmed me as I walked in and saw/smelt/felt the presence of my home. I didn't feel lost when I left, but I certainly felt different while I was there.

Today, we went to the park, and that song came to mind- maybe because I felt so out of place. There is rarely a day that goes by in Boone that you don't 'run into' someone you know. We all joke that Walmart is the place to go meet up with friends (by this I don't mean I am a redneck that hangs out in the parking lot with my truck and my boyfriend). But seriously, the park, the grocery store...these are places that you feel comfortable with. Part of that comes from living in a town your whole life, but the other part is that it's a small friendly- and smiling community. (PS- DO NOT TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED, PEOPLE DO NOT SMILE EVERYWHERE!)

I guess I realized something about myself while I was at the park...I always thought I was an extrovert like my dad.Someone who was able to go anywhere and make a friend. Maybe I used to be...but as I settle into my life; and by that I mean become more and more happy/content as a mom and wife; sister and daughter- I realize I might be an introvert like my mom. I CAN make friends, and I CAN be happy anywhere...but I am more uneasy to do that in an unknown place.

As I read back over this I find the word 'comfort' A LOT. I guess I am being pushed out of my comfort zone....thanks God for the realization! I know it's not bad, just some days harder than others! I miss my friends, I miss my old job, I miss my family...I MISS HOME!!!

Change

Is the only thing consistent in life truly change?
Change can bring fear, or relief, best friends and certainly new experiences.
Each day here we have faced change.
This last week has been an exceptional week of change for all of us!

I did my first 2 12hour days on the floor back to back. That started off the week in an exciting and very exhausting way. Being back on the floor I worked on before Lilly Grace was born, I knew what to expect, or so I thought. My first day was a shock. I knew things would change, especially since the manager and most of the staff had turned over; however- it was the same type of floor (oncology), so how much could really have changed? A LOT. Let me tell you, from the computer programs they use, to the atmosphere on the floor- everywhere I turned something was different. By day two, I was back at home, I didn't feel lost or like I had made the wrong decision anymore. I jumped right back in, and by the end of the third day- I was told I was 'kicking butt'.
By Wednesday morning, my first day off, the one thing that still continued to shock me was my complete exhaustion. I could not get over how hard the first two days had been. I didn't remember how hard being on a floor was- from waking up at 5 am, to the 10 mile hike from the parking deck to the floor and back(well, maybe not quite that long...but if you've ever been in this hospital you know what I mean), to not sitting most of the day, and the constant running back and forth. On top of all that, my mind racing with 're-learning' this all. Hopefully, it all will get better- because I can't be napping multiple times on my day off :)
I did work one more day on Thursday, which was smooth and pleasant and a whole lot less exhausting by itself.

The girls days have been fabulous! I could not ask for a better family to be watching them! Their house is perfect, their yard with playground equipment, all the toys you could dream of- but best of all, their newest 'best friends'. 'Aubey and Doey' as Peyt calls them, have made this transition smooth and happy. They ask every day when they get to go back!

Today, Randall and I took the girls up to my work to visit and to play on the 12th floor playground. You should see the view! This week we have been to parks four times. The thing I love about them (that Boone should get!) is that the ground underneath the play equipment is a soft rubber kind of stuff. SO cool! The weather isn't quite what I expected (I thought it'd be hot all the time)- but the pleasant weather has been nice reasons to get out of the house!

Tonight, as I was making dinner and listening to the radio- and a song by Chris Tomlin came on- and LG started singing 'I will rise on Eagles Wings'. She said- we listen to that at our church. Still a sad point for all of us, as we so miss doughnut church!

Overall, the transition has been nice. This has been a rambling post- but that's us for the week- Changing daily and enjoying it all!

SQUEEZE

The girls and I have been spending the evenings alone this week. I actually kinda like it...don't get me wrong, I love when all four of us are together- but it's been nice having Randall on a 1p-10p shift. The girls get the morning with him, and the evening with me. One on one time (in doses) is always wonderfully pleasant to be with the girls. It's good for quality time, and conversation. Due to that, dinner time can often be amusing, but tonight, my heart was warmed by LG saying- 'mommy, did you know you are going to be a flower girl?' of course I asked why, thinking she was referring to my flower patterned shirt or something; that, however, would be too simple. She then said 'because you are going to be MY flower girl!' What can you do but squeeze them? Then conversation slipped quickly back to who was winning at eating there dinner (my attempt to speed up the eating process). Who won you ask? Pey finished her salad first, and LG her other stuff- so we declared it a tie :)

Do you have a dishwasher? Mine is smaller than my coffee pot; well maybe I'm exaggerating a bit- maybe it's just BARELY big enough to fit a coffee pot (seriously, not much more). I didn't even know they existed this small. It's unbelievable how you cannot even fit a whole meal worth of dishes in there. But did you also know that dishwashers clean a whole lot better (and I don't just mean efficiently) but actually BETTER than hand. Just a something I've observed while washing up our dinner dishes.

As I am putting the girls to bed, I told them a story (they like us to create them, rather than books) and I told them something about them growing up and becoming great mothers, and Pey said 'just like you mommy?' She got a huge squeeze too :)

And for closing. I've loved my week at Baptist. In Boone, I often used to wonder 'what were they thinking?!', or noticing how different people were. I still notice my differences from others here. Somehow, though, this week I find myself reveling in the fact that we were all created so incredibly different. I have come to a HUGE institute, where we all have a common goal of serving others, and making people feel better. I love hearing different accents, different inflections on words, the very different way people view things. Each day, I see and hear reminders that we are all special, no matter what we believe, or where we came from.