July 4th

It's summer time and every one's favorite day has arrived...time to watch parades, fireworks, and cookout with good friends and family. What were my plans? I was supposed to work the entire weekend, so was Randall- so we didn't make plans. We sucked it up, and realized- our time to celebrate with the people we love and care about the most and have a really good time will just have to be another time. That was OK....wait, except, LG came home with a fever from the babysitter, then woke me up in the middle of the night with an even worse fever...YEAH!!! no work for me, right? Nope- not right.

I am sitting at home with a sick child (who of course when she has Motrin/Tylenol is running around and only a little fussy), and feel like yet again my world has been turned upside down. What now? Still no plans...except that I am the bad guy because my girls don't get to go to the babysitters and have all the fun THEY intended to have (parade, pool, cookouts, church with a friend and fireworks).

Why in the world do I find this mothering thing so hard? I never thought I was a selfish person...but here lately I feel irritable and frustrated because it is coming out more and more. I am tired of being the jungle gym, I am tired of being fussed at, whined at, and on the beckon call for two little people that I don't think know the feeling of grateful. Probably my perspective. Would just be nice if there was a manual to each of them...how to make sure they become successful in life; how to become loving, kind and good Christian ladies. But there's not.

So, I sing to myself the chorus of one of my new favorite songs (a song LG knows and sings too when it comes on the radio...maybe I'm doing something right!):
"We pour out our miseries, God just hears our melody. Beautiful the mess we are, The honest cries of breaking hearts- are better than a Hallelujah." Amy Grant

So my honest cry Lord today will be HALLELUJAH!! For all that today might be!